delayed gratification

Clerk leaves me a message on Friday and Saturday. His second message is hilarious; he says, You're kicking my ass in my own (NCAA tournament) bracket. And I think, I know; I meant to. I think about my friend E, quoting The Tao of Steve: " Be excellent, Be desireless, Be gone."

I call Clerk back yesterday, finally. We talk for almost two hours. He tells me about his parents visiting, about the upcoming baseball season. I tell him about my new project and about traveling in the South. Eventually, we talk about our careers, and about how neither of us is particularly excited about being a corporate drone, and maximizing some rich man's revenues. In a year or so, when he finishes his second clerkship, he plans to return to one of the three law firms courting him, probably one of the two in DC.

As he talks, I can't help but calculate what this means for next summer, when he finishes, and when my brother and sister will finish their schooling as well: We could all travel together.

After an hour and forty minutes, the conversation comes to a pause.

Clerk: Well, I'm gonna go get some food and find out what's up with my friend who's in town. It was really good to catch up, finally.

This terrifies me, as it sounds like what I say to end conversations that I only expect (and want) to have a few times a year. How often do you "catch up" with someone? Not that often. So I blurt, Well, what are your next few weekends like?

Oh yeah, he says, let's figure out when we can meet up.

I wonder when we would have talked about it, had I not asked.

We realize that it will be three more weeks until we see each other again, and then only if I reschedule my trip to Austin. He tells me that he doesn't want to inconvenience me and J, the girlfriend I am planning to visit. And I know it's a little risky, but I say:

I don't want to keep...not seeing you.

We joke about being busy and making time for each other this fall, and he finally, he says, Well, that sucks that it will be a few more weeks....

I am so relieved to hear him say it out loud.