btw

Why did I go to a trendy start-up salon in the Lower East Side, pay $85 and emerge with a weirdly shaped, feathered haircut?

Even as I walked in, and could tell they had just opened, I couldn't stop myself. Try new things! I thought. Be open minded! It might look great!

And when my stylist had a sort of punk rock dyed red mullet and short bright red fingernails and jeans that kept slipping off her boy-skinny hips, I thought, She's trendy! That's right! This place is so trendy!

And when she put on her super thick silver plastic cateye glasses, and the poodle, Movie Star, started yipping in the corner, I thought, I sure am hip! Look at this place! The receptionist is eating organic take out!

I thought I wanted an edgy haircut, like the one on the bartender who recommended this salon, but really, I am not a trendy, LES hipster. I am completely corporate. I make a shitload of money. I am a boring, midtown consultant.

She finished cutting it, and I couldn't even lie. "It looks...lighter," I said.

Yes, of course it is, because it is a mullet.