do you have any singles?

My birthday party. A darkened room, lit only by white Christmas lights, and candles. Round paper lanterns hang from the ceiling. I rush around, fussing over guests, serving drinks. The front door opens. I look up. It's Clerk. I hold my breath.

He scans the room for familiar faces, and looks relieved when he recognizes me. I smile. Big, big smile. Kiss on the cheek, and a hug. He wears a stylish dress shirt with multi-colored vertical stripes. Dressy black pants. Slick black leather shoes. I meet his friends. I talk too fast.

More people arrive. I hug them. I turn up the music. I pour drinks. I smile. I keep looking at him, and sometimes, he is already looking at me. I keep trying to talk to him, but am interrupted. The room is full of people, including many I don't recognize. The music gets louder. We dance. We both refill our drinks, and I kiss him. We laugh. My gay friend, N, keeps gushing: He's hot.

I look around, beaming. My siblings are here, as well as my closest friends from high school, college, and graduate school, from St. Louis, Philadelphia, Sacramento, LA, London.

Z does not show up. (Last night, or really, ever.) I can't believe I still notice. At one point, another friend starts telling me a story about Z's girlfriend. Girlfriend? I ask. I thought you knew, he says. I did not know.

At three o'clock (I think) , my two closest college girlfriends, M and K insist that we go to a strip club. I look at Clerk, questioningly. He says, I'm not gonna turn down the opportunity to go to a strip club with you. Eight of us, including my little brother, pile into cabs, and soon are on the far west side, at a well known... gentleman's club.

Someone pays for me to get a lap dance. I look at Clerk. He grins. I think he is enjoying himself. We kiss. He says, I feel bad making out with you in front of your brother. I announce, drunkenly, If he gets to leer at women, so do I! Someone pays for two dancers to give me a lap dance, simultaneously. Clerk turns to my friend F, and asks, Do you have any singles? More dancers come over, and convince me to do a "buttery nipple" shot. I look over, and two of my friends are making out.

Eventually, all the friends leave. He and I are still there, in a dark corner, kissing. Somehow we find a cab, and make it home.

This morning, I thank him for coming to the party. He makes a joke, and before I can stop myself, I blurt, You're so cute. I bury my face in the pillow, appalled. Am I in third grade?

We talk about DC, and about the Washingtonienne blog that scandalized the city. He asks, What's the URL for your blog? I laugh, You can look up the one online that's linked to my name. He asks, That's not the one with the good stuff, huh? Well, I had to at least try. I laugh again, You can't read the one where you make an appearance.

He invites me to his housewarming party, this weekend. I tell him, sadly, that I will be in Argentina. He says, That's too bad, you should be the guest of honor.

He asks me to join him and his friends for brunch, but I want to spend time with my siblings. He gets dressed. He kisses me. A long, slow, sweet kiss. Kick the hangover. I'll talk to you soon.

I snuggle back under the covers, smiling with my eyes closed.